Monday, April 12, 2010

Lord, I Believe; Help My Unbelief

My faith is the cornerstone of my life, but that doesn't mean that I don't have doubts. I can believe many things with my mind, but my heart is not always convinced. My heart embraces other ideas thatt my mind cannot understand. My faith is imperfect because I am imperfect. Every once in a while, though, everything clicks together and I have peace. I understand the truth about God in my heart and my mind simultaneously. Those moments are precious gifts, and I long for more of them.
  • Lord, I believe that You came to Earth in human form and died so that I could be cleansed of my sin and be made worthy to live with You in Heaven. I know that this is a good thing (the best thing possible, in fact), but sometimes when I think about Heaven I get scared. I get this lurching feeling in the pit of my stomach because I can't comprehend the idea of forever. I have no idea what's in store for me in Heaven, so it scares me a little. Help me trust in the promise even though I can't understand it.
  • Lord, I believe that my marriage is part of Your plan, but I sometimes doubt whether my husband and I are really the best fit for each other. I worry that we might not be compatible enough to see each other through the many years ahead. Still, I know that we love each other very much and I trust that You put us together for a reason. Because I believe that You intend for us to be together, I am counting on You to help make our marriage work. Help me be the wife I should be and give me peace and courage to persevere through the bumps.
  • Lord, I believe that I have a purpose on this Earth and that You will use my talents for Your own glory. I can't always see that happening, and sometimes it seems like all my efforts are thwarted. I can't find the time and energy to do everything that I feel I should do, and often when I try to act on my calling, my words and actions seem to have little or no effect. I often feel impotent and unsuccessful, and I don't want to be a waste of time and space. I long to do good work for You. Help me live up to the plan You have for my life, and give me the wisdom to see how what I do matters to You.
  • Lord, I believe that You endowed me with this personality for a reason, but sometimes I feel that I need to change who I am. I don't always fit in well with other people, and I have crazy dreams and a restless spirit that are often at odds with my rather pedestrian life. Should I try to temper that part of myself, or did You put it here for a reason? Did You intentionally create me this way, or have I warped what You made? I wish you would tell me so that I knew what, precisely, to believe about myself.
  • Lord, I believe that you have a plan for this world and for my life, but it's too great for me to see or comprehend. It's so hard to trust in Your unseen design, especially when things are going wrong around me. People ask me how there could be a loving God when so many terrible things are happening to good and innocent people. I try to explain, and while the logic makes sense in my head, sometimes it seems hollow even to me. I love You and trust You, but it's hard to bear the sight of all this suffering. I can only imagine how heartbroken You must be watching it all, and I don't want to add to Your pain by doubting You. I love You, and I know You love us. Fortify my heart to trust in You, no matter what I see and experience on this Earth. 
I believe, and I won't stop believing when I have doubts. Sometimes my faith is a bit rough around the edges, but it's strong at its core. The Holy Spirit will not leave me to struggle alone, and I have comfort in that.

4 comments:

Mom said...

You say it so well. I love that scripture verse and have those same feelings you describe. Sometimes I think it would be great to have God tell me exactly what He wants me to do it a voice I can hear out loud.

Jeanne said...

Your blog just spoke so loudly to me when I needed to hear words of comfort after a stressful afternoon with my teenaged daughters and husband. I felt like I was reading my own words. Thank you for letting me know that I'm not alone in my feelings. God Bless!

Joel said...

I have said this verse countless times over the past couple of weeks through tears. Lengthy conversations with a Jehovah Witness and having him show you "his evidence" for why Christ is not God or sharing your faith with your Muslim friend who then rejects it and says "never talk to me about it again" really leaves an impact on one's faith. There are so many false "lost gospels" and other writings on the internet; we as Christians should really hold firm to our faith.

"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong." 1 Cor. 16:13

Blair said...

This was inspiring and beautiful. It showed me how to address the doubts and fears I carry. I felt God's presence reading this. Thank you.

 
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