The Blur

Sometimes my life is a blur. I find myself struggling just to keep up with the relentless pace of my life. Events run together in my mind and I concentrate simply on surviving with no hope of really understanding the big picture of what's happening. Only later, when things have slowed down, will I have any chance of being able to look back and see the lessons that I was learning or the paths that I was forging during that hectic time. I am in one of those times now. Each day that I complete everything on my to-do list feels like a major victory, even though tomorrow's to-do list is just as full. I dream at night about the projects I'm working on and spend each day trying to figure out how to give my best effort even when I feel my energy draining away. It's hard for me to really see what's going on in my life or to appreciate all the changes that are happening so quickly. Later on, this might seem like a profound time in my life.

Sometimes when I am rushing through my life like this, I worry that I am losing bits and pieces of my experience because I cannot keep up with them. No one else can really see the struggles I go through or witness the victories and defeats of each day. No one but me can really appreciate all the growth that I'm experienceing right now or all the really important things I'm learning. If I can't even keep track of all of those things myself, are they lost? Is my life truly becoming a blur?

It's times like these when I feel so grateful to have God's presence in my life. Because God is watching my life, I know that everything I do and experience is being recorded in the eternal consciousness of my Creator, where it can never be forgotten. Even if I cannot understand the significance of what's happening in my life right now, God sees and understands all of it. Later, when I have time to think it through, God might send me insights about what has happened and help me to benefit more fully from the things I couldn't truly appreciate when they were happening. God is with me, so even when I lose track of bits of my life, they aren't truly lost. God sees and remembers everything and stores all of it up for me until I'm ready to understand it. In a way, my experiences—even the hectic ones—are a kind of personal inheritance, and God will be sure that in time I receive that inheritance in full.