Honesty

I remember being taught as a child that "honesty is the best policy." Lies are the work of the Devil, but the truth shall set us free. That's all well and good, but I sometimes struggle with how far to take honesty. Is it OK to tell a "white lie"? Is it ever appropriate to conceal or avoid the truth? What if my honesty would only hurt someone?

I am learning that the proper handling of honesty often depends on the type of truth in question. Not all truths are created equal. First and foremost there is God's Truth—the truth about His goodness and His love for us, and the truth about Jesus and his redemptive grace. That Truth is paramount, and it will come out and be declared before the world no matter who tries to conceal it. Other truths are far less important. When I convey an honest opinion, I am telling the truth, but my truth isn't nearly so powerful or absolute as God's truth.

Paul encouraged the Ephesians to embrace truth and to speak honestly to each other as a way to build each other up and shield each other from the unwholesome lies of a fallen world. "Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:14–15, 25, 29) Paul's advice is to use honesty to do God's work. Truth should build others up, not tear them down.

Sometimes the truth isn't nice. Before we share criticism in the name of honesty, however, we need to consider how we intend to use that truth. Is our purpose simply to clear our own consciences by divulging all of our thoughts, both helpful and unhelpful? Is the point to make someone else feel ashamed for perceived shortcomings? Do we want to feel better about ourselves in comparison while calling our "honest" opinions subjective? Or do we actually want to build someone up with honest, loving, constructive criticism? If we can see that someone is on a dangerous path, it's worth being honest if we think the truth could help them turn to a healthier way. Being honest about personal opinions and slighting judgments with no thought of love or encouragement isn't nearly as helpful.

So really, honesty is the best policy, if by honesty I mean speaking the Truth in love in order to build others up. That's the best and truest kind of honesty, and I don't think the other kinds are really worth that much from a Christian standpoint. You could be just as well off not knowing the truth about what year it was when your outfit was last considered fashionable, but it's always worth it to share the truth about God's love and His expectations of His faithful servants.

Life's a Dance

I discovered ballroom and swing dancing in college. I still remember the first waltz I danced that really felt comfortable. I stopped focusing on what my feet were doing, and all of a sudden I was flying across the room. Everything was a breathless, beautiful blur. It was as though a door had opened somewhere inside me and my joyful soul had soared through it and up to the stars. I have had many other dances since that made me feel that way. When I'm able to move beyond the technicalities of the dance, I get the chance to feel something that transcends physical movement and to connect with my partner in a fun (and sometimes even intense) way.

When it comes to social dancing, having a great dance isn't necessarily about knowing the right steps. The beauty of social dance is that it isn't a choreographed performance—it's a conversation between two dance partners. The steps are the vocabulary, yes, but what's really going on is the give and take between two connected bodies. The lead (traditionally the man) initiates a movement, and the follow (traditionally the woman) responds. In order for me to have a really special dance, I need to have a good connection to the lead. We need to have a good frame so I can feel his movements, he needs to give me clear cues through his body language, and I need to trust him implicitly and be willing to follow wherever he takes us, even if I don't know the precise steps to the moves he's leading. I have to stop looking at my feet and instead follow the movement of my partner's body. If he's a good lead, he will be able to move me from my center and my feet will intuitively keep up. When a dance really clicks, I don't have to think about what I'm doing. Sure, I might stumble a time or two, but I will dance on.

Sometimes my life feels like a dance. God is my invisible partner, spinning and twirling me through all the pleasures and challenges of my life. When my connection to God is good, He can move me effortlessly through any obstacle and I dance right on through, often unaware of the subtle hand that guides me. When my dance frame collapses, I start to miss steps and sometimes the dance briefly falls apart. God is a patient dance partner, however, and He inevitably helps me get back into step. As long as I trust God, it doesn't matter if I miss a step or two because He'll still keep me going in the right direction. It's kind of a relief, really, knowing that I'm not solely responsible for making it a good dance. I don't have to learn a bunch of fancy footwork and be some kind of overachiever to have a meaningful experience. All I have to do is be myself and focus on being a responsive partner, and God will give me the dance of a lifetime.

The New Dawn

We all  have bad days. Sometimes when everything has gone wrong, we feel lucky just to make it to the end of the day. We're ready for the day to be over so that we can start fresh tomorrow with new hopes for better things. Occasionally, we even have bad weeks (or even bad months or years). During those trying times, we look for ways to free ourselves from the problems that tie us down so that we can start fresh. We have sayings to encourage ourselves like, "Tomorrow is another day," or "The night is always darkest just before the dawn." We visualize the new day coming to bring us renewed hope.

The prophet Jeremiah was in the midst of a dark and difficult season in his life when he wrote the book of Lamentations. Things were not going at all well for him personally or for his society in general. In the midst of his woe, Jeremiah wrote, "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:21–23) In the midst of his suffering, Jeremiah was looking for the new dawn because he trusted in God's mercy. He knew that God makes everything new, so it was only a matter time before he would be given a fresh start. God could free Jeremiah and all the people from the sins and suffering that oppressed them.

God's mercies are new every morning. That means that when I go to sleep feeling sad, angry, frustrated, or exhausted, I have a chance to be restored so that I can greet the new day full of hope, joy, and positive energy. The sun comes up every morning to remind us that God is constantly reviving our tired spirits and sending down blessings to help us persevere. No matter how bad things get for us, we can look for the new dawn and know that someday God will give us the chance to start anew.

Sometimes going to sleep and waking up the next day doesn't really make a discernible difference in the state of my life. Problems that existed when I went to sleep haven't necessarily evaporated overnight. Yet, the perception of the new day can make all the difference in the way I handle challenges. Last night I was weary and worn down, feeling unable to do anything about my problems. This morning, however, I feel fresh and energized and ready to make a dent in the pile of work ahead of me. The new dawn has given me a chance to pick up where I left off but with a renewed sense of hope and purpose. Yesterday I had a bad time and my problems wore me down, but today is a new day. Those problems may still be here, but I might come out on top today. God has given me another chance to get things done, and that's a wonderful thing.

Hope

I am writing this having just returned home from meeting an old friend for some drinks. This friend and I have been going through a bit of a rough patch lately. We haven't seen each other very much and our communication has been rather awkward. I was starting to wonder if our relationship was circling the drain. The whole situation was difficult and frustrating for me and I sometimes felt that the friendship might be over. But I decided it wasn't fair to cut and run without trying to talk things out first, so I called and asked this friend out for drinks. And now, a few hours later, the dynamic of our relationship is quite different.

Hope changes everything. I took what little hope I had left for our friendship into the conversation and laid it out on the table. We realized that we do have a special relationship, and even though things have been pretty dry recently, we have reason to hope that our friendship can and will blossom again. When each of us expressed our hope for our friendship, that hope turned into commitment and dedication. We have a future together now because our hope convinces us to believe that future is possible. Even though things have gotten messy, there's no reason why we can't move forward and be good friends again.

Moments like this remind me of why God's plan to redeem humankind isn't so crazy after all. If two friends can sit down together and decide that there's hope for reconciliation, suddenly there's a whole world of possibility before them that can blossom into a happy and fruitful future. Now imagine what can happen if one of those friends is God. As long as I maintain a single spark of hope for my relationship with God, there is no limit to the future of that relationship. God can do all things, and all He needs is my hope to serve as a conduit for His boundless love. God is right to hope for reconciliation with us, because He knows He has the power to make it possible. All we have to do is trust in God's love, and He'll take care of the rest.

As my friend and I talked tonight, I finally remembered why we love each other. Our renewed commitment to that love makes our relationship strong again, even in the midst of the hardships we've been through lately. We both have hope now that we can have a stronger relationship and be blessings in each other's lives. The beauty of our hope is that it will make the things we hope for possible. We have a future as friends because we dare to believe in it and we strive to reach for it. Love is the most powerful force in the world, so it's worth investing hope in.

Coping Skills for the Overwhelmed Christian

Everyone gets overwhelmed sometimes. Our to-do lists explode, things get tense, and we wonder how we're going to make it through. Considering that I'm dealing with a huge pile of work and a moderate amount of stress myself right now, I thought it would be a good idea to post a refresher on some helpful coping strategies that I've discovered.

• Take time to pray. Sometimes when I get busy, it can feel like I don't have time to deal with God. I've learned, however, that taking time for God becomes more important than ever when I'm stressed out. I may feel too tired to pray when I collapse into bed at the end of the day, but that small ritual helps calm my mind and allows me to turn over the day's activity to God so that I can rest peacefully. At crazy moments during my day, I like to stop and think about God. Reminding myself that God is with me and feeling the warmth of His presence in my heart calms my racing mind and helps me feel more confident about the work I have to do. It might be too much for me to handle alone, but with God's help I can make it through.

• Ask for help. Sometimes it feels like the American way to just suffer in silence and to push ourselves to (and past) our limits to get everything done ourselves. Nevertheless, God intends for us to live in a symbiotic relationship with the rest of the Body of Christ. That means it's perfectly acceptable to ask our fellow Christians and loved ones for help when we're being pushed beyond healthy limits. Christians should be willing to pitch in however they can, and I know that there are people who love me and are willing to help when things are tough. I need to be willing to let them help, and I shouldn't feel ashamed to ask for assistance.

• Deal with one thing at a time. I can multi-task pretty well, but I certainly can't tackle my entire to-do list all at once. I try not to spend too much time contemplating the sum of everything I have to do because that just overwhelms my brain and causes me to freeze up. When I focus on only one task, I'm able to concentrate on it and get it done efficiently. Then I move on to the next thing, and I feel a surge of positive energy every time I cross an item off my list or move a step closer to my goal. Dividing up my tasks also gives me a chance to pause in between them and check in with God. This keeps me focused and fresh for the remaining tasks ahead.

• Don't despair. With God all things are possible, and He does not assign us burdens that we are incapable of bearing with His help (and the help of our loving neighbors). Sure, I get frustrated and overwhelmed sometimes, and occasionally I collapse into tears or fits of anger. It's important for me to let those negative emotions pass instead of wallowing in them so that I can pick myself up and move on. Setbacks happen, but a positive attitude will help me get past them. The fact that things are difficult doesn't mean that God isn't with me. Together we'll get through it.

• Be patient. My problems probably aren't going to get solved overnight. God's plan may be more long-term than I had hoped, and my friends might not be able to come immediately to my aid. Sometimes I have to wait, and sometimes I have to slog through for a while before I get anywhere. The payoff will be worth it when I finally make it to the end.

I've realized that it really does help to take a deep breath now and then and remind myself that whatever I'm struggling with probably isn't the end of the world. God's in control, and I have strategies to help me cope. Even if I have to give myself this pep talk ten times a day, I can make it through.