Belonging to God

As a Christian, I call myself a child of God. I believe that God created me and designed me specifically to be me. I also believe that God has claimed me through the sacrifice of His Son, that I was marked as God's own at my baptism, and that I have willingly accepted my place in God's family. I belong to God because He wants me and also because I want to be with Him. That's a pretty heady concept, so it can be a little complicated to think about what belonging to God actually means in my life. To help me examine this, I've compiled a short (and incomplete list) of what belonging to God means to me.

• I am never alone. Honestly, I believe that God is with all people whether they believe in Him or not, but it makes a big difference that I consciously realize that God is with me. When I feel lonely or friendless or afraid, I don't have to feel like one tiny mortal out against the whole world because God is right there with me. I have a friend, ally, and confidant no matter where I might find myself.
  

• I am loved. Even if no single person on this planet cares a thing about me, belonging to God means I am still cherished by someone very special. God knows my name and my personality. He likes spending time with me and wants to keep me with Him forever. I am precious in His sight. No matter what happens to me, even if I am caught up in worldly violence or natural disasters, God will seek me out and find me. God is willing to sacrifice for me and to work for my good.
  

• I have something to live for. My life has meaning because I live it for God. Even if I am incapable of leaving behind a legacy of success, benevolence, or wealth, I still have the power to make a difference by sharing God's love with others. Following God means living up to my true potential and maximizing my impact on the world. Even if my good works are small, they have meaning because God has given me and my efforts a purpose.
  

• I don't have to fear death. We humans know that our lives are finite and we often worry about our own mortality. We wonder about what would happen "if tomorrow never comes." Well, if I belong to God, then I'm never going to run out of tomorrows. I can live each day to its fullest without worrying about the future. Even when I die, my soul will live on. When my loved ones die, there is a very real chance that I will get to see them again in Heaven. (That's up to them, of course, but I serve a benevolent God who will strive to keep them with Him.)
  

• I'm part of a bigger picture. I am just one small human, and I don't have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders—God's taking care of that for me. I don't have to be some kind of superhero because God is already in charge of saving the world. Being a normal person is OK, because God is making sure that my contributions are being integrated into a greater whole, and that gives meaning to the small things that I do. A lot of other people besides me belong to God, and that's a good thing. We're all in this together, so I don't have to feel the pressure of being God's extra-special child or something. I have lots of brothers and sisters, and God loves us all and doesn't put shattering expectations on any of us. 

Realizing that I belong to God helps me feel free to just be me. Because I belong to God, I don't have to live for others and make myself a slave to their opinions. Because I belong to God, I don't have to worry about what will happen to me. Because I belong to God, I don't have to wonder if my entire existence is pointless. Being with God is a pretty good stress reliever. I am really grateful not only that I belong to God, but also that I know I do.

The Plan

I am the kind of person who likes to have a plan most of the time. Each day I plan out the meals I'll eat all day. I plan out when I'm going to get up each morning before I decide when I should go to bed. I plan when I'm going to work out and when I'm going to go shopping, sometimes days in advance. I like to have plans, but they don't necessarily have to be rigid and minute. I'm OK with knowing that I'm meeting a friend at a certain time and place, even if I don't know what we're going to do while we're together. I'm fine knowing that a coworker will send me a document "sometime next week" or that I need to call the seamstress about having a dress altered around the beginning of March. I don't have to nail everything down, but I like a general sense of what's going to happen and what will be expected of me. I like some sort of plan to be in place, even if it's a loose one.

The problem with following God is that He has a plan, but I don't necessarily get to know what it is. Sometimes it feels a bit like being led led around blindfolded. I have no idea where I'm being led, but I know I certainly wouldn't do any better wandering around on my own. I could make a plan for my life right here and now without consulting God, but it wouldn't be a very good one. I'd be wandering around blindly with no one to guide me if I didn't follow God. Still, if I stick with God I have to deal with the way He works. If I follow God's path, I can't force Him to show me the road map to my life in its entirety. God gets to decide when to reveal parts of the plan and how much to show me. I'm following a plan, but it's not really mine—it's God's.

Sometimes following God's invisible plan feels like aimless wandering. If I can't feel the figurative hand on my arm, I begin to worry that I'm wandering lost. I have to trust that God is nearby, watching my steps and ready to redirect me if I go too far out the way He's prepared for me. Sometimes it feels like I'm getting no direction at all, and it can be hard to keep my faith when I feel so lost. I pray and try to listen, but I find nothing but silence. I worry that the lack of instructions means I have somehow gone astray. It's hard to accept that the silence might just be an indicator that I simply need to keep doing what I'm doing, continue placing one foot in front of the other and trust that God is still leading me.

In the week I spent away from this blog, I thought and prayed a great deal about whether I should continue to write it. I don't know what role God wants me to play in the world and in the Body of Christ, and I don't know whether this blog is part of it. When I started writing here, it seemed like something that was a good idea, not something that was a calling. So I found myself confused about whether the initiative for the project had come from God or me. Was this a silly whim or an important project? I didn't know. So I thought and prayed and asked... and heard nothing. No answer. I realized that I didn't feel profoundly guilty for not writing for a few days, but I wasn't convinced I should leave it behind, either. In the end, I decided that the lack of information meant that I should continue on, so here I am. 

Now I'm left to wonder whether or not my decision to continue on with my blog was divinely guided. After all, when I prayed I didn't get a definitive answer. I heard nothing. Still, I've learned that silence can sometimes be an answer. Perhaps God anticipated that I could work this problem out on my own. Maybe God wasn't ready to answer my questions about my purpose in life and where I'm going as a Christian. God might have thought that a definitive answer about whether or not this blog is an important part of a developing ministry in my life was too much information to share with me at this point in my life. I don't know. I can only hope that if this project is in any way detrimental to God's plan for me that He will somehow let me own. In the meantime, I will continue blindly on as best I can.

I know that God is watching and guiding me. Sometimes I can see His hand in my life and sometimes I can't, but I trust it's there. Sometimes I've only been able to appreciate the divine guidance in my life months or even years after the events took place. I cannot always see how God is working, but that's OK because I'm not in charge of the plan. God's got the plan under control, and that's good enough for me.

Fresh Start

Passing through the end of 2009 and crossing into 2010 has given me new appreciation for fresh starts. By the end, 2009 was a bit exhausting. I needed a chance to stop, rest, and recharge before diving into 2010. Luckily, the New Year's holiday weekend provided me with just such an opportunity. I slept a lot, unpacked from my holiday travels, took down my Christmas decorations, and cleaned up my house. I relaxed with my husband and tried not to think too hard about the obligations that were coming. It took several days for my sleep to get back on track and for me to feel positive and energetic again. A lot happened this year, and I wanted to start 2010 fresh. Luckily, I got that chance.

This experience gives me new appreciation for the rest periods that God builds into our lives. God created day and night and designed humans to sleep quite regularly. In fact, God thought rest was so important that He instructed the people of Israel to keep a Sabbath day. The people had a chance to rest and recover from each week before they moved onto the next one. They got to remove themselves from their daily tasks for a little while, providing them a chance to look at their lives with fresh eyes when the beginning of the week came around again. Although I do not observe a strict Sabbath (as perhaps I ought), I do enjoy weekends best when I have a chance to rest. Some weekends are furiously busy, but often I get to sleep in and I have some chunks of unprogrammed time when nothing specific is required of me. I love those weekends, and after they are gone I often feel very fresh and positive on Monday morning.

We need breaks. When the disciples returned from their first missionary journeys, Jesus took them to a quiet place by themselves so that they could rest before diving back into the ministry at hand. Jesus, in his wisdom, knew that they needed some time—even if it was just a little time—to relax, eat, rest, and just be with each other before they could go on with their work. Right now my husband is enjoying a few weeks off after a very difficult semester before he continues on with his graduate program. I enjoyed some vacation time over the holidays and have returned to work feeling much fresher and more focused than when I left. After leaving this blog fallow for a week, I find it much easier to start thinking of new ideas and topics of discussion.

In a hectic world where we often push ourselves to work long hours and to toil on endlessly, I would like to take a moment to thank God for inventing rest. If God isn't too good for rest, then neither am I. If the almighty can take a day off after creating the universe, then I don't have to feel so bad about taking a little time to recover after a long day, a tiring week, or a full year. Through His own example and through the instructions He's given us, God is telling us that it's OK for us to rest now and then. A little rest affords us the clarity and energy of a fresh start, and wise person knows that's worth it. So today I pledge to try to give myself the rest I need so that I can be more productive during my work time. A fresh start can make a big difference.

Visiting

Going to visit friends or relatives can be a really fun experience. Sometimes we're returning to places we love and sometimes we're experiencing new places we've never seen before. We get to spend time with people whose company we enjoy, and we're able to leave our ordinary life behind for a while. Still, visits come with a price. When I go on visits, I don't get to sleep in my own bed or use my own bathroom. I don't necessarily get a lot of privacy. I have to spend long hours traveling to reach my destination, and I have to make arrangements for my home (especially my cats) to be taken care of while I'm gone. I like visits, but I only want to be away from home for a week or two.

It blows my mind to think of the people in the Bible who were visitors all the time. Jesus and his disciples traveled all around Israel and the surrounding country. They were always staying with other people—sometimes even people they didn't know that well. They put in a lot of miles, many of them walking. The apostle Paul traveled even more widely, staying away from Israel for years at a time. Ever since then, there have been all kinds of missionaries and aid workers who have traveled far away from their homes to help others and to share good news with them.

All of these traveling evangelists have learned something that I sometimes have trouble understanding: our true home is with God. It's true that at my house I have a comfy bed and personal space set up to my liking, but that house still isn't my true home. I will not find a true home anywhere on Earth because my soul knows it belongs with God in Heaven. I sometimes feel like a stranger in a strange land when I travel, but the truth is that I am always a stranger in a strange land because my time on Earth is one long visit. I will never be entirely comfortable here, but I will find peace when I embrace God's presence in my life. God goes with me wherever I travel, so I will always be able to have a small home in my own heart. God sends others to interact with us and love us to help bolster that feeling of home no matter where were are. The old saying "Home is where the heart is," should be true for Christians. Whenever we can feel the love of God and our fellow Christians in our hearts, we are home.

So where does this leave me? I still enjoy the house that is my Earthly refuge. I know, however, that if I have to leave that home I will still be OK because God will be with me. I like my house, but it isn't everything to me. If God calls me to leave my house behind, then I should be able to do it without despair. My house is my home because I feel comfortable there, but God and my loved ones can help me feel comfortable anywhere. So as I sit here on a couch that doesn't belong to me and think wistfully of my own couch, miles away, I remember that although I am not physically at home, I can be spiritually at home. With God all things are possible, so even though my life is like one long visit, I am also always at home through the love of my Savior.

God Is With Me

God is with me every moment of my life. Whether I succeed or fail, whether I am joyful or hurt, God is there. As a Christian I believe this to be true, but I don't always realize the implications in my daily life. When I feel scared or lonely, God calms me. When I feel strong and independent, God is my help. When I am happy, God shares in my happiness. Consciously recognizing this fact changes the way I experience my life. The joyful moments become more joyful and the difficult times become a bit easier.

As I look back over yesterday, I can see that God was with me when I said goodbye to my mother and drove out of town. I was ready to head back home but sad to say goodbye. I don't know when I'll see my family again, and it's hard being away from them all the time. I was satisfied with the way the visit turned out, but I still feel a pang every time I leave my childhood home and my loved ones. God was with me as the miles went by and a bittersweet sensation filled my heart. He was soothing the sadness and empathizing with my love for the things I was leaving behind. I know that God was also with my loved ones, making it easier for them to say goodbye to me and reminding us all that we will be together again.

God was with me and my husband throughout our 13-hour car trip as we drove through mountains, across states, and eventually through snow. God strengthened us as we concentrated for long hours and dealt with the inevitable reckless drivers. There were plenty of people cutting others off and speeding (even through construction zones and wintry conditions) but God was there helping us to be at our best as we dealt with the hazards on the road. Even if we had been involved in some sort of accident, God still would have been with us, helping us through whatever happened.

God is with me as I return to the Midwest, feeling a bit like a fish out of water. As I realize that I am caught somewhere between the cultures of my childhood home and my current one, I know that God is with me even when I feel like I don't belong. No matter how out of place I feel with people, I am always comfortable with God and He with me. When I feel awkward, I still have a friend and ally with me whose love is constant. When I rejoice with my friends and feel most like myself, God is there encouraging me. God is with me no matter what. After a long and tiring trip, I find that fact to be especially comforting.